A Bunch of Laywer nighI Mean Slayers' Parodies
by Catgirl the Crazy
Summary: Title pretty much says it all. Various stories recast with the Slayers characters. Note: Will be primarily LG and AZ, so if you have a problem with that, don't read.
1. Cinderlina

A/N: It was a snow day. I was bored. All my friends were busy and/or sick and/or went to a school that didn't have the day off. So I decided to write my first non-script format Slayers fic. Humor/parody, cuz that's what I'm best at (in my mind at least).

Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers or Cinderella. If someone has already done a Slayers parody of Cinderella, I'm sorry, I didn't know, so PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!

**Random Parody 1: Cinderlina**

Once upon a time, in the cheesy, far away kingdom of Seyruun, there lived an unhappy sorceress. Why was she unhappy, a reader with nothing better to do cuz they have no life outside out might ask? She was unhappy for several reasons. One, she lived with two annoying step-sisters who drove her nuts. Two, she also lived with her real sister, who terrified her to the point of needing large dosages of tranquilizer. Three, said sisters all used her as a slave forcing her to do their housework and other stuff like that the author is too lazy to type.

At the moment, however, Lina (cuz that was her name) was having fun for once. Watching random lawyers chasing the Author while shouting "Copyright infringement! COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!" was most entertaining. Her happiness was short lived.

"OOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOH!" came an all too familiar laugh. Lina wondered how in the Nine Hells Catgirl had talked her into doing this story. Oh wait, she didn't. Catgirl had used her Author's Super Powers to force Lina into this. "Note to self," Lina muttered. "When you get out of here, Dragon Slave all authors." Hiding in a dumpster somewhere, Catgirl sneezed. Off in the distance, Lina could hear renewed cries of "COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!"

Getting back to the story, the same person who was the source of that ear-shattering laugh you heard earlier shouted "Lina!"

"Yes, Naga?" Lina replied.

"Ummmmmm… clean the cellar!"

"But we don't have a cellar…"

"Then cook dinner!"

"Fine," Lina replied through gritted teeth. She really wanted to Dragon Slave Naga right now. But Catgirl, being the wonderful, intelligent, foresighted, wise, not to mention stunningly beau-

"ENOUGH ALREADY!" Lina shrieked. "JUST GET ON WITH THE STUPID STORY!"

Sorry. Anyhoo, Catgirl had foreseen the aforementioned problem with Lina wanting to Dragon Slave Naga, and "persuaded" Luna to have a little "chat" with Lina about it.

"You slipped her a twenty, didn't you?" Filia asked, appearing out of nowhere. Maaaaaaaybe…. Filia sighed and disappeared.

Lina stomped off to the kitchen. Thirty minutes later, the house was on fire, and Naga and Martina (Lina's other step-sister) were being rushed to ummm… the Seyruun equivalent of a hospital for severe food poisoning.

Lina was bracing for sister's wrath, but was saved by the bell- er, town crier. "Hear ye! Hear ye!" the guy shouted, "There's a ball tomorrow night, any and all eligible ladies can attend cuz that's when Prince Gourry will choose his bride." Many female shrieks of glee were heard. Prince Gourry- in the opinion of the majority of Seyruun's females- was every girls dream man. He was handsome, chivalrous, kind, strong, yadda yadda yadda, all that jazz girls usually like in a man.

_It's kind of sad how delusional they all are,_ was Lina's first thought. She was one of the few who actually knew that Gourry was dumb as a doorknob. Lina's second thought was, _Now I wonder how Catgirl persuaded Gourry to do this story?_ Her third was, _EEEEEK! IT'S LUNA! **RUUUUUUUUUN!**_ So Lina ran for dear life.

A few hours later, Lina was quivering inside a dumpster. Ironically enough, it was the same dumpster Catgirl had from the lawyers in, but that's not important to the story. Suddenly, there was a knock on the lid of the dumpster. Lina squeaked and dove under some piles of…. well, I'll spare you the details.

The knock came again. "I'm not here!" Lina shouted. "Miss Lina! It's me! Open up!" The voice wasn't Luna's, it was much too high. The lid of the dumpster opened in a slow, unnecessarily dramatic fashion.

Lina peeked her head out from under all the garbage. "Is Luna with you?" she asked timidly.

"No Miss Lina, she's not here," Amelia assured her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes,"

"Positive?"

"Yes, Miss Lina," she replied in an exasperated voice.

Lina heaved a sigh of relief, before giving Amelia a strange look. "Um, Amelia? What's with the weird outfit?" Amelia did have a rather strange outfit on. She was wearing a pink leotard, a pink lacy tutu with glittery sequins, pink tights, pink gauzy wings, and a shiny pink wand with a six pointed star at the top. She had so much pink on, it almost hurt Lina's eyes. It also reminded Lina of the guild color she'd received in Zephilia.

"This," Amelia gestured to her ballerina type outfit, "is my costume for the story. I'm your Fairy God Mother, and we're here to help you get ready for the ball!"

"We?" Lina sat up and looked around the alley were the dumpster was located. Behind Amelia stood Zelgadis, wearing the same outfit as Amelia.

"Hehe, nice outfit Zel," Lina sniggered. Zel just glared at her.

"Anyway," Amelia cut in, saving Zelgadis from further humiliation via Lina, "We're here to help you get ready for the ball!"

"But I don't wanna go to the ball," Lina deadpanned.

"Well you have to Lina!" Amelia insisted. "It's part of the plot! Besides, it would be unjust to leave poor Mr. Gourry at the mercy of the other annoying women who will be attending the ball!" She proceeded to launch into a very longwinded speech about Justice, and how Lina was Gourry's friend and it would be unjust for her to not try to help him situations like this, etc. etc. etc.

Lina sweatdropped, and Zel would've done the same if he hadn't been to busy plotting revenge on Catgirl for putting him through all this humiliation to notice the world around him. Catgirl wondered if doing this story (and others like it she had planned for later… FORESHADOWING!) was worth all the enemies she was making.

In the end, Lina agreed to go to the ball, mostly just to get Amelia to shut up. To make a long story short (well, shorter), Lina looked stunningly beautiful, as she must cuz this is a fairytale parody. The author, however, doesn't really feel like describing her outfit in scrutinizing detail, so she'll leave that up to your imagination.

Lina however, was less than happy with her new clothes. "Do I _have_ to wear to wear a dress? And these heels are killing me!"

"Sorry Miss Lina," Amelia apologized. "It's all part of the plot. Besides, you look really pretty!"

"Yeah, you even look like you have a chest for a change!" Zel added under his breath.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Lina demanded, a vein throbbing on her forehead.

"Uh, nothing," Zel replied nervously.

"Yeah right, FIREBALL!" Zel and Amelia both went flying through the air and out of sight.

"That'll teach him," Lina muttered. "Now I might as well head over to that ball, not much else to do. RAY WING!" Even though she was flying, it took Lina a lot longer to reach the castle then she expected. First, a flying Zel and Amelia nearly crashed into her. Then she had to avoid getting charred to a crisp by an angry Filia-dragon who was trying to kill Xellos. And then there were the pink flying sheep that went moo. Lina could only assume they were the result of Catgirl drinking too much soda. She was probably right.

When Lina finally got to the ball, she met… a lot of strange people. There was a strange looking pirate with a braided beard and red bandana.

"Why is the rum gone?" the pirate wondered aloud, looking morosely into his mug. Nearby an abnormally short, bearded guy was saying to some blonde lady, "You know, it's true that you don't see many dwarf women. They're so alike in voice and appearance, that they're often mistaken for dwarf men."

"It's the beards," another guy whispered to the blonde lady. She giggled.

Lina jumped as someone tapped her on the shoulder. Turning around, she saw a tall creepy guy wearing a black suit, cape, mask, and helmet. The guy stared at her for a minute before announcing, "The Force is strong in this one." A little disturbed, Lina backed away from him slowly, before turning around and running away. She was beginning to question the author's sanity. Though, anyone who knows the author well doesn't question it. They already know she's well beyond all hope.

A little while later, Lina saw one of the few things that made her truly happy. "Food!" She dashed over to the food filled table and immediately began helping herself to every edible thing within her reach.

"Hey! That was my chicken wing!" Lina looked up from inhaling food to steal said chicken back.

"No, it was mine!" The food thief turned out to be none other than the Jellyfish himself. However, due to a plot device the Author just put in the story, Lina was wearing a mask so Gourry didn't recognize her. Though his memory's so bad he might not have recognized her even without the mask.

The two of them continued inhaling and squabbling over food for the next hour or so, causing many a jaw to hit the floor. But since the palace kitchens were only prepared for one person with a black hole for a stomach, (the cooking staff probably would've quit if they'd known there'd be two. Indeed many of them did quit afterwards and the rest tried to sue. But that's another story, which the Author, lazy as usual, doesn't feel like telling.)

The fact that there was no more food left Lina and Gourry very depressed. On the other the hand, the servants were quite relieved-they didn't have to keep frantically bringing more and more food from the kitchen trying to keep up with Lina and Gourry's eating rate. They were also considering filing a lawsuit, but again that's not important to this story.

After a moment of depressed silence, Gourry asked, "Do you wanna dance?"

_Oh what the heck,_ Lina thought, _It's not like there's anything better to do..._ "Sure," she replied. So they danced for a while.

Okay, maybe "danced" isn't the right verb choice. They looked more like they were mimes acting like they were drowning. It was not long before all the other guests had cleared a wide berth for them.

Suddenly Lina froze. Not literally, she wasn't encased in a block of ice. She was frozen in terror. The source of her terror was (you guessed it!) Luna. With high pitched shriek she whirled around and tore out the door, leaving a very perplexed Gourry (correction: more perplexed than normal). But since this is a parody of Cinderella, Lina accidentally left one of her glass slippers on the castle steps.

Gourry bent over to look at the shoe. _Oooh, sparkly,_ he thought and picked it up as a souvenir.

To make a long story short(er), (cuz the author's running out of ideas for now), Gourry got the weird idea that the shoe would only fit the person who owned it. No one quite understood the logic behind this, but then again, trying to follow Gourry-logic (if there is such a thing) will turn your brain into a pudding-like substance that would make you think of nothing but cows, cheese and jellyfish for the rest your life.

As Gourry walked down the street with the shoe, he felt something hit him on the back of the head.

"My shoe! Gimme!" It was the girl from the ball, aka Lina.

Gourry actually recognized her (cuz I said so!) and blurted "Will you marry me?"

Lina became insane for 2.3 seconds, just long enough say completely out of character: "Ok!"

So they got married, lived happily ever after, etc. etc. etc.

That is, until Lina found out Catgirl was doing another story.

"DRAGON SLAVE!"

Heheh, gotta run! Bye!

A/N: There finished! Whaddaya think? I'll take any kind of review except flames. Flames I shall use on s'mores and my effigy pile. Ideas for later parodies are welcome.

Next parody: Snow Amelia!


	2. Snow Amelia

A/N: The sequel to Cinderlina that I promised!

Disclaimer: Again, I do not own Slayers, or anything else you might recognize from somewhere else.

**Random Parody 2: Snow Amelia and the Seven Chibis**

Once upon a time (again), there was an evil queen named Naga. She was the most beautiful woman in the kingdom. She knew this because she had a possessed mirror who told her so.

Everyday Naga would ask the mirror "Mirror mirror on the ceiling, who's the lady most appealing?"

Rezo, the guy possessing the mirror, would think _She really needs to get a life,_ before answering "You."

Naga would let fly her earsplitting laugh. Rezo's mirror would shatter, and Naga would order her poor servants to tape him back together. That's why Naga was such an evil queen. She taxed the peasants to poverty to pay for all the scotch tape needed to fix Rezo.

One day, Rezo decided he was bored of this and came up with an evil plan of revenge. When Naga asked her daily question, Rezo replied with the first name that came to his head.

"Snow Amelia."

Snow Amelia was Naga's justice-obsessed little sister. No one really understood where the "Snow" part came from. Her hair was black. Her skin wasn't that pale. A lot of people had been questioning her parent's sanity when she was born.

Naga used her as a slave, but the author is too busy running away from the guys in the white coats with the sweater that makes you hug yourself to come up a reason.

Obviously, Naga was not happy when Rezo said this.

Ka-**_BOOOOOOOMMM!_**

Hmm, maybe I should rephrase that.

"Zangulus! Come here!" Naga ordered.

"What do you want?" Zangulus asked.

"Take Snow Amelia into the woods and kill her! OOOOOH OHOHOHOHOHOOOOHHH!" Naga laughed.

Zangulus nodded, willing to do anything to get away from Naga's ear-splitting laugh.

_Later, in the Overly Clichéd Forest of DOOM AND PINK BUTTERFLIES!_

"Where are we going Mr. Zangulus?"

"Uhh… We're going to get frosty chocolate milkshakes, Snow Amelia," Zangulus giggled nervously. "Frosty chocolate milkshakes!"

"No you're not! Mr. Bunny says you're gonna kill me!" Snow Amelia pointed at a giant rabbit in the middle of a kung fu fight against a bunch of sharks with laser beams attached to their heads. "KILLING INNOCENT LITTLE GIRLS IN UNJUST!" She launched into one of her trademark justice speeches.

_That does it,_ Zangulus thought, _As soon as this is over, I'm going on strike!_

break /break

In the end, Zangulus let Snow Amelia go just to get away from her annoying justice speeches. So now she was wandering aimlessly around the Overly Clichéd Forest of DOOM AND PINK BUTTERFLIES!

"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Snow Amelia screamed, for she had seen a most terrifying sight. The author's brain.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled the author, as Snow Amelia ran for her sanity.

"There she is!" shouted one of the men in white coats with the sweater that makes you hug yourself, pointing at the author.

"Aw, &$!" the author swore before jumping through a plot hole out of the fic.

_Going back to Snow Amelia…_

Once Snow Amelia was a safe distance from the author's brain, she continued with her aimless wandering. But suddenly she was attacked by to strange looking short boys, one with red hair and the other with messy black hair glasses and a lightning shaped scar.

"Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother!" they chanted as they bothered her.

"Eeep!" Snow Amelia squealed. "PACIFIST CRUSH!" Snow Amelia pacifist-crushed the two weirdoes into a tree. "Hmph," she hmphed, before wandering off again.

Not looking where she was going, Amelia tripped over a conveniently placed root and fell through a plot hole, landing in front of a cliché looking cottage (What? Stop looking at me like that!).

_I wonder who lives there?_ She wondered. _Maybe they can help me!_ Snow Amelia knocked on the door. Crickets chirped. They chirped some more. They soon got bored of chirping and wandered off to have coffee.

Amelia opened the door to have a look around, conveniently forgetting that entering someone else's house without the owners' permission was unjust. She was in a kitchen. In the corner were two refrigerators. One was labeled "Gourry and Lina's fridge," and the other was padlocked and labeled "Everyone else's fridge." There was a long table with seven chairs. Upstairs were seven small beds, each labeled with a different name.

"Scary Luna, Greedy Lina, Dopey Gourry, Annoying Xellos, Mace-happy Filia, Maniacal Phibby, and OOC Sylphiel," Snow Amelia. _What strange names, _she thought. _But then again, if you think about the weirdo who's writing this fic…_ Ok! I'm weird! Live with it! _Like I have a choice. _Amelia sighed. She would have to put up with the author's weirdness, just as any true warrior of justice must.

Snow Amelia's slightly off-topic reverie was interrupted by the sound of voices outside.

"GIMME THAT CHICKEN WING GOURRY! IT'S MINE!"

"But Lina! I saw it first!"

"TOO BAD!"

"Hi Filia!"

"Gah! Namagomi, don't sneak up on me like that!" **_WHACK!_**

"Aiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" A chibified Xellos flew through the window and landed on Amelia in a rather, er, compromising position.

"Eeeeek! Pervert! JUSTICE KICK!"

"Aiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" went Xellos for the second time is as many minutes as he was justice-kicked into the wall.

"Ow…" said the wall.

"Wait a second," said Amelia. "Walls can't talk!"

"Oh yeah!" The wall stopped talking.

"Ooookay then…" Amelia sweat dropped.

Chibified versions of Luna, Lina, Gourry, Filia, Phibby and Sylphiel burst into the room. But because the author wants to get the story moving, we'll just say that after Amelia explained things, (and after Filia whacked Xellos for being a pervert), the seven chibis agreed to let Amelia stay.

Correction: Lina let her stay in exchange for Amelia doing their chores. Typical Lina…

"I saw that!" Lina shouted, flames appearing around her head. Too bad! "Grrrr…"

Off in a corner, Sylphiel plotted world domination. Gourry ate. And ate. And ate. And ate some more! It wasn't long before Lina joined him. Insert a witty joke about their eating habits here.

Anyways, to keep the story moving, Amelia stayed at the seven chibis' little cottage in exchange for doing their chores.

One day when all the chibis were not at home, Naga found Snow Amelia and came over to the house planning to kill her. "OOOOOH OHOHOHOHOHOOOOHHH!" Naga laughed.

"No, you do it like this!" Sylphiel corrected, randomly appearing. "Mwahaha! Mwahaha! Mwhaha!" Sylphiel's cackling was interrupted by a science textbook clonking her in the head.

"Stupid homework!" the author ranted. Another textbook (math this time) flew across the room and clonked Amelia in the head. Naga poked her with a stick.

"She's dead Jim."

"Ok!" said Jim, before vanishing into a plot hole.

"Yay! Amelia's dead!" cheered a random Amelia hater. **_CLONK._** (The author doesn't like Amelia haters.)

When the chibis found out Snow Amelia had died, they were very depressed.

"Hey, waiter! I want everything from here to here, triple portions. Now step on it!" Lina ordered.

"Ahem." The Author cleared her throat.

"Yes?"

"You're supposed to be DEPRESSED."

For some weird reason, they put Amelia's corpse in a glass coffin where everyone could see her. Mostly cuz the author threatened to put them in the happy bunny torture room if they didn't.

_Elsewhere in the forest…_

Zelgadis scowled. What was it with the author and dressing him up in embarrassing outfits? First it was the fairy godmother outfit, and now it was the stupid poofy-shorts costume from that amusement park in the outer world. "Why me?" Zel muttered.

"Because it's fun!" the author replied cheerfully. Zel just death glared at her. Too wrapped up in his grumblings, Zel didn't look where he was going and crashed into Snow Amelia's coffin. CRASH, the author typed unnecessarily.

Zel stared. "Why would you put a frozen dead girl in a glass coffin where everyone can see her?" he asked.

"Don't ask me," came Lina's reply. "SHE made us do it." The chibified-sorceress pointed at the author.

"Ok…" Zel sweatdropped.

Xellos coughed. "Well, _actually_, she's only mostly dead."

"Mostly?" Zel queried (The author suddenly doubled up laughing, finding the word "queried" hilariously funny for some reason.)

"Yup!" Xellos answered. "You can still bring her back to life."

"How?"

"Now that… is a secret." An anvil fell on Xellos's head. Filia cackled at his misfortune. "Alright, alright," he grumbled, "You have to _kiss_ her."

Zel blushed. Nearby, a bunch of random A/Z shippers cheered. "Boo!" shouted some random L/Z shipper. An anvil fell on his head. The A/Z shippers cheered again as the author grinned evilly.

Zel tried lifting the glass lid off the coffin. "Urrff," he grunted. "Heavy…" In the end, Filia smashed the glass with her mace ("Oh fudge," she muttered, "I was aiming for Xellos's head."). He knelt down and kissed Amelia on the lips.

"Awwwwwww…" crooned the A/Z shippers. The seven chibis all clapped and cheered, sans Xellos, who was retching behind a bush ("Too… much… happiness…").

So Zel and the now-alive Amelia got married and lived happily ever after. The end!

A/N: Finally! I got Snow Amelia done! My excuse for long update: I got writers block (it's much easier to write script format. Stupid anti-script format rule!). Sorry! I'm not sure what parody I'll do next. I'm thinking of doing a parody of Shrek, but I'll take any suggestions reviewers gives. I'd just like to add that I also do not own the idea of "evil Sylphiel." That belongs to my friends, Selea-Chan and Kawaii otaku of doom. Also, putting Zel in poofy shorts was Kawaii otaku's idea as well. You guys rock my socks! Finally, there's a bunch of parodies in both Snow Amelia and Cinderlina that I never mentioned in my disclaimers or A/N's. I'll give kudos to whoever can spot them all (unlike in past fics, however, I can't let you guest star cuz I've had stories deleted for that). But I gotta go now, cuz my parents just saw all the Slayers characters picketing in my front yard and want to know what I did THIS time. R&R please!


	3. Slayers of the Caribbean Part 1

A/N: Ok, I know I said last chapter I'd probably do a parody of Shrek, but I was watching PotC last night and got inspired. Also, since it was taking me so darn long to write this (partly due to the length of the story, and partly due to writers block), I decided to make this a two-part fic. Hope ya like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers, PotC, Kawaii Otaku of Doom or anything else you recognize in this fic.

**Parody #3: Slayers of the Caribbean- Part 1**

_Many years before the beginning of this parody... _

"A pirate's life for me," an eight year old chibi Amelia sang softly. Suddenly, a hand grabbed her shoulder.

"Eeeek! Burst rondo!" Amelia shouted out of instinct.

"Owwww…"

"Oh, heh, sorry Mr. Gourry," she apologized. "You scared me."

"If you travel with Lina for as long as I have, you get used to it," a charred Gourry shrugged. He wandered off to the ships galley to look for food.

Amelia continued to sing about pirates. The author has decided to fill in this plothole, even though this is a humor fic and therefore doesn't need to make a lot of sense. No doubt she's just using this as an excuse to make some more lousy jo- OW! The narrator is hit by an anvil.

"I'm queen in this fic, and don't you forget it!" the author shouted. Fine, fine… Anyways, the author had had a hard time persuading some of the Slayers (namely Lina and Amelia) to appear in this fic, since PotC glorifies pirates, which are basically bandits that sail in ships, and since Lina and Amelia hate bandits, well, I really probably don't have to go further.

It's kind of strange, cuz the author doesn't usually _persuade_ people to appear in fics. She _makes_ them. OW! Another anvil clonks the narrator in the noggin.

"One more time and you're through…" the author growled. Alright, alright. So, getting back to the story, the author managed to convince the Slayers that these pirates were like Robin Hood (or Lina). I always knew that Amelia could be gullible at times, but- OW! Hey, leggo a me you stupid #$&! Aaah-

**CRASH.**

**SHATTER.**

**BOOM.**

**THUMP.**

**WHAM.**

Silence.

Ahem. Author here, sorry to keep you waiting folks. Our narrator is no longer working for me (stupid little sonova-), so I've taken over narration until I can find a replacement. Now, getting back to our story (finally!), Amelia looked out around the ship she was on. There wasn't much to see, since the ship was stuck in a big blanket of mist, the sort of mist people like to write flowery poetry about.

"Oooo, look at the pretty umbrella!" Amelia cried. As those of you who've seen PotC might've guessed, there was an umbrella/parasol type thing floating in the water. Under normal circumstances, Amelia might've wondered what the heck an umbrella was doing in the middle of the ocean, since hers was the only ship for miles (as far she knew, heh heh heh heh…). But all the Slayers cast knew by now about the author's fondness for using plot holes to get random stuff, and they'd all gotten used to random, out of place objects popping up at odd times.

But another thing came floating out of the Mists of Flowery Poetry, and this time it was object that was strange even by the author's plot hole standards. On a raft made of cheese, lay an unconscious, eight year old, and chibified Zel.

By the time the sailors on the ship saw Zelgadis, shouted "Man overboard!" and run around shrieking "Not ready! Not ready!" for a few minutes, Amelia had already ray-winged over to the aforementioned chimera, carried him back to the ship, and started casting a healing spell. Nearby, Phil ranted about what a great warrior of justice Amelia was.

"Oooo, shiny!" Amelia said, fingering a medallion around Zel's neck. Engraved on it was a happy little bunny holding a bazooka. _It's so cute!_ Amelia thought, pocketing it. She figured Zel wouldn't mind her taking it, since he'd rather be caught dead than with something like that.

_Present day. Finally._

Xellos panted as he ran from hordes of shrieking rabid fangirls, who were chasing him with battle cries of "MARRY ME XELLY-KUN!" and "GET HIM!" and "Oooh, look at the cute bunny." Leading the charge of said fangirls was the authors' friend Kawaii Otaku of Doom. "YAY! My one true looooooove! Well, besides my other fifteen bishies...Oh well!" she shrieked.

_Why me?_ Xellos thought.

"Because it's fun to torture you," came the author's reply.

"Don't I know it," grumbled Lina.

"Shush. Besides, you're not s'posed to appear yet."

"Oh yeah." Lina vanished into a plot hole. After finally losing the fangirls, Xellos continued to wonder around Port Seyruun.

_Nearby…_

Amelia was enjoying a party. It was to celebrate the Seyruun family's first entire year without any royal assignation attempts. According to history books, it was a first.

"Bwahahahahahahahaha!" cackled Alfred, as he chased Phil around with a knife. "Die Uncle Phil, DIIIIE!"

_Oh dear,_ she thought, sighing, _There goes our record._ "Fireball!"

"Mommy…" whimpered Alfred, before collapsing in a charred, crispy heap to the ground.

"Justice always wins!" cheered Phil as he ran around in circles like a maniac. At that very second, flying monkeys attacked Port Seyruun.

"Wait a minute!" Amelia cried. "There weren't any flying monkeys in Pirates of the Caribbean!"

"Yeah, well," said Gaav, randomly appearing, "You've no clue how hard it is to find good help these days, so I had to hire people from the Wizard of Oz to play the pirates." He promptly whacked Amelia on the head and dragged her back to his ship, the Shiny Stone.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" wailed Zel.

"Wait, when did you get here?" queried Phil.

"Uh, heheh," Zel chuckled nervously, "Behind you! A giant homicidal guinea pig!" As Phil looked around, Zel dashed off.

_Later…_

The flying monkey attack was finally over, so everyone was happy. Except Zel. He was depressed. What else is new? This time, however, he was depressed that Amelia was gone.

"Hiya Zel!" Xellos said cheerfully.

Zel sighed. "What is it now Xellos?"

"I know where Amelia is!"

"And?"

"Sore wa himitsu desu!"

Zel sighed again. He'd walked right into that one. Xellos opened one eye and put that evil look on his face that makes many a Xellos fangirl faint with bliss. "Heeeey, wasn't your grandpa Rezo the Red Priest?"

Zel glared at him. "What of it?"

"I'll take you to your girlfriend if you want," Xellos offered.

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!"

"But you married her in the last parody…"

"Uh……" Zel turned a shade of magenta that would make a color printer proud. Desperate to change the subject, he agreed to let Xellos take him to Amelia.

_End of Part 1_

A/N: Not much to say here except R&R! By the way, my contest for who can spot all the parodies/references is still going, since no one has guessed yet.


End file.
